Day 19: Fear of failing myself

I've been staring at this blank page on my screen for a while now, feeling sad and just trying to think up what to write about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wonder what would be best to write about rather then remaining here present and writing in the moment within and as self-expression with no expectations of myself or consideration of what others might think about me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I will fail myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others will think about what I write and judge what I write

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am not self-honest enough to share myself because I am not yet ready to take responsibility for the things I am walking through

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I can't trust myself to write effectively to support myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that writing is about being self-honest thus not realizing that I have placed self-honesty within  the polarity of right and wrong, self-honesty being good/right and self-dishonesty being bad/wrong

I forgive myself that I have accepting and allowed myself to give self-honesty a positive value and self-dishonesty a negative value

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to write for others and not writing for myself as all as one as equal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from writing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately go into fear when I consider writing a blog and become extremely sleepy, lazy and find other things that seem to require my immediate attention

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realise and understand that I need immediate attention and focus and that walking process is a process of self discipline and I must direct myself to focus on myself and sort myself out through deliberately willing myself to remain here and move, direct and support myself in every moment to and to write myself to freedom and not allow myself to give up or give into limitation.