Day 21: Walking Backwards

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about cleaning my desk rather than focus my attention here on my commitment to myself write myself to freedom

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I have nothing to write about and therefore I must think about what topic to cover

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed supporting myself through writing difficult

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that I am confused and unable to focus because of constant outside distractions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself think, believe and perceive that I am constantly distracted therefore not able to sit alone quietly to write

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel anxious when writing a blog

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create anxiety within and as me when writing my blog

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create anxiety through accepting and allowing back-chat through my day that accumulates so much so that when the physical action is here to write I immediately go into fear because I created it

Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed self-limitation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed back-chat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the creation of excuses so that I can use them as a justification for why I abdicated my self-responsibility and self-commitment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself with justifications

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself

ok here I do not know what else to say, so I decide that I keep writing because fuck it this is not scripted I don't have to have a topic and I do not have to think about what I am going to call my blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about what I am going to entitle my blog so that I have a clearly defined topic and so I can follow the defined topic

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to not having a defined topic to write about and allow and accept myself to go into irritation and want to give up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think the thought of how come writing was so much easier when I first started my process

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself compare then to now all the while in my mind no here present within and as breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate separated myself from written self-expression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an automated response of sleepiness when I start typing my blog

I just stopped writing and yawned and started rubbing both of my eyes at the same time, when studying I've learned that I do this when I want to give in and give up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to yawn as a mechanism to avoid what is here and to rub my eyes so I don't have to be self-intimate - Into me I see

I have a strained pulling feeling in my upper shoulders and neck, I'm hunched over

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold my human physical body in a posture that is one of self-limitation, self-judgement, diminishment and to carry myself in a way that I have given up on myself
 
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to direct myself in every moment

I forgive myself that I have not supported myself in this moment to sit up straight being aware of my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise see and understand that I am walking a process backwards correcting what I have accepted and allowed in self-abuse and separation and in order to move forward I must first delete all the memories that I still exist as in this very moment and see, realise and understand that I may fall multiple times so that I can realise how to effectively support myself to keep standing while breath walking here to the point of nothingness where I no longer exist as definitions, memories, thoughts, feelings, emotions, judgements, limitation and fear