Day 28: Chill Pill

I was sick last night and unable to write in my blog. My stomach hurt so bad, it was a rolling pain moving throughout my stomach. What caused this is that I took more vitamins yesterday, but not as many as the day before and not on an empty stomach so I thought I would be fine. I hadn't researched the possible side effects of taking these pills or how they react one another.

My agreement partner looked up what the side effects where while I was balled up in bed with abdominal pain. What he found is that some of the pills I took can cause extreme abdominal pain, cramps, vomiting, dizziness, fatigue, diarrhea, constipation etc. The other pill I took also causes dizziness and fatigue. And pills mixed together in general are not recommended. I felt like I was in a fog all day yesterday my stomach hurt and I was pretty much out of it, most of my sinus infection is gone now but I still have pain my abdomen which I personally manifested by trying to get a quick fix.

I realize many points I hadn't allowed myself to fully consider before and the main point is that I have not respected my body in anyway whatsoever. I have been extremely abusive toward my body for years in one way or another, and it is habitual.

I failed to consider the consequences for the things I put in my body such as food, pills, drinks, drugs, men etc. I just flat out didn't care. I thought I stopped this form of self-abuse but I realize that I have just become more cunning in my approach.

I have to say that I did not expect to be revisited by this point again or in this way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harm my body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear physical pain so much that I choose to drown myself in pills to prevent it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being sick for a long period of time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress that I abuse my body daily

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard my human physical body because I hate myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to forgive myself fully for taking drugs for years

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse my human physical body with the types of food I put into my body and the amount I consume

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard my human physical body and only listen to my mind

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to listen to my body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my human physical body for granted

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself for how I have treated my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge how other people treat their human physical body as a projection of how I see myself which is abusive, disrespectful and neglectful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear writing about this topic

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed of myself for what I have done and what I'm doing to my body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the importance of supporting my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hurt my human physical body because it keeps me distracted from what is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hurt my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself so that I can put off facing myself and the consequences I have created for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I can
avoid my accepted and allowed self-abuse

To be continued...