Day 20: Failure, is it real?

Again I'm here looking at this blank screen. The pattern that happens is I write and then I delete and then I write and then I delete. And then, what if or maybe I shouldn't talk about this or about that because of this or that. Yet the whole time I never consider that I am here for myself to write myself to freedom. I mean I can not actually write anyone to freedom but me here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate when writing a blog

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself because I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about what I should or shouldn't write

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my self-judgement onto another  making it seem in my mind that others are judging me yet I am the judge, judging myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to self-judgement and not realize that I am the only one that is able to judge me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I won't ever get it right and that I should be further along in my process by now

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not remaining consistent and wish I was out there somewhere more aware of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish I was a more developed writer

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at myself because I failed to direct myself to write consistently

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of myself as a failure and believe that I will always fail and continue to fail in everything I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to or set out to do things and then make it much bigger than myself and larger than life in my mind so that I do not have to follow through with my commitment to myself and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to leave a back-door opened where I can easily escape so that I won't ever have to face me here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the excuse of anger to be the reason why I have not directed myself thus not realizing that the anger is just a cover up for fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use fear as an excuse and not realize that fear in the context of the mind and back-chat is evil and limiting thus when I allow and accept myself to exist as fear in turn I accept and allow myself to exist as an evil individual separate and limited thus diminished

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as self-limitation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I have always been behind and would inevitably be unable to catch up for the rest of my existence

I now see realize and understand anytime I allow and accept the fear of being judged that its just me projecting what I feel about myself towards another

I commit to stop this pattern when I see myself going into fear of judgement I stop, breathe, I will not go down that road because I realize where that road leads and it is not supportive thus I simply delete the thought and I move, I direct, I express