Day 6: Heaviness Part 1

"If the person live it up and end in a position that requires weightloss-- a situation develops that is motivated by guilt and also the fear what others may think --the body is punished through ways to force it back into shape and the person never even do self forgiveness with all the cells or ask forgiveness for the torture and torment it allowed the body to go through" ~ Bernard Poolman

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to over eat

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consume food excessively without considering my human physical body and what my body actually requires for nourishment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with food, eating, cooking

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become addicted and obsessed with eating

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I was using food to replace the energy I was getting from sex and because I was no longer having sex I changed from desire to have sex to desire to have food

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use eating as a form of stimulation as a way to isolate myself and hide from what I must face as what I have accepted and allowed through separation and self-abuse

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use food as a way to keep me busy and occupied so that I wouldn't have to think about the reason why the sexual relationship with my partner was dysfunctional and a failure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for becoming fat because I all along I was aware that I had been abusing my body with the over consumption of food

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to eat like a glutton with no regard for how my body responded to particular foods

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to listen to my body and to see and physically feel how my body responds to food and eat according to what best support my body but rather choose to eat out of emotional reactions, thoughts, feelings and eat from the hunger of the mind rather than physical hunger here equal to all parts as me here

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be fat and undesirable because I hated myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself because I was so ashamed of who I had become and what I allowed myself to be

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use being fat as a way to get people to stay far away from me - when in fact I was so embarrassed about myself that I did not want to be seen by old friends, family members or in vlogs and pictures so I actually isolated myself and projected that onto others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use creating fat on my body as a way to isolate myself from others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame and judge my body for the way it looked

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse my body

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what other people would think about me being fat and fear that they would judge me because I judged myself and other people that were fat

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become programmed with mass media such as pictures, magazines, television, internet ads ect. and accept that over consumption is acceptable

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame skinny people of being anorexic or sick looking because I was jealous of them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself for overeating

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly think about food and become obsessed with it especially when I was eating it fearing it would cause me to become fat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to eat sugary foods to get a rush from it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to constantly have judgments about food being good or bad

I forgive myself for not allowing or accepting myself to stand equal with and as food as myself as self nourishing self here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist writing about my weight and for looking for other ways to get around my weight gain for example (dieting) rather then realizing how I allowed myself to gain weight

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become the ultimate consumer consuming food so extensively that I stored fat in my body to show myself what I was allowing and accepting as a consumer that had no regard for anyone or myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become an extremist and fully indulge in points that I know are harmful to me in order to get energy from self-abuse and self-harm

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like to abuse and harm myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself and pity myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like to stay in shame and regret as an excuse for not correcting myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself and others by saying that I didn't care about being fat and that I feel good in my body when I did not at all

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to punish my body because I was not willing to face myself and my failed relationship

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be extremely self conscious about my body and not want to do anything but stay home so no one would see what a mess I had become

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say that the reason why my ex-boyfriend didn't want to have sex with me was because I was fat

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become fat to punish him for not having sex with me and so that I could us that as an excuse to blame him for our failed relationship

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist looking at weight and my obsession with food

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move from being obsessed with sex to being obsessed with food

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to over eat and indulge and eat more than what is supportive of my human physical body

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for blaming my body for storing fat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to punish, torture and torment my body and all of the cell's in my body because of my ego

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my mind king and give my power away to the mind and totally disrespecting my human physical body while I was in my head out there somewhere not here as breathe within and as my body standing here as self support

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my mother for being fat and for being embarrassed of her for being fat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being fat and actually always see myself as fat even when I did not have a lot of fat stored in my body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become jealous that my sister lost weight  because I felt like she was superior to me once again

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse my body through the use of drugs where I would go long periods of time without food

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use diet pills to lose weight without considering the physical consequence within doing such a thing and not considering how harmful and abusive this is for my body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with diets and dieting and become extremely diligent to stick to a diet to the T in order to achieve the body image I desired such as ones I saw in magazines or pictures of myself as a young person

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to torture my body extensively because I have allowed myself to give my power away to the mind through participating in thoughts, feelings, and emotions all the while disregarding my human physical body that which gives me a way to breathe and be here on earth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself so much so that I didn't care if I lived or died really but at the same time be to shit scared to die because I realized there was a consequence for my reckless behavior

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a poor example to the younger people in my life because I did not respect myself or anyone else -- I did not respect life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disrespect life and living

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that a mind consciousness system has respect for anything and being that all I existed as was the mind as thoughts feelings and emotions I was actually admitting to myself and everyone else that I accepted myself as less than life and undeserving of life

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to diminish my human physical body because I have allowed and accepted thoughts, feelings and emotions to direct me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value to thoughts, feelings and emotions

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret and be shameful of myself and for allowing myself to exist this way for years without taking self responsibility and applying self forgiveness and correcting myself to never allow myself to exist as limitation, regret, shame and inferiority

This is a quite a point for me and now I can see why I had such a strong resistance to opening up this point about weight and I see that there are many dimensions to it, I will continue with my self-forgiveness statements in my next blog. Thanks for reading.