Day 3: Change

I have a pattern of becoming very upset when there is a sudden change in my schedule or when there is some surprise that causes me to have to have to change my plans.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry that I can not control every minute of my day

I forgive myself for being angry with myself for not scheduling time for mishaps or changes

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist change no matter what type of change it is

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become very uncomfortable and irritated when change is the only outcome

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be frustrated and blame others for the reaction of anger I accept every time a wrench gets thrown into my schedule

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to always calculate time and become very upset when the time I allotted for something is not able to be fulfilled because an outside force came and destroyed my "perfect plan"

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel out of balance if I can not stick to a specific automated schedule

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to a schedule

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel disorganized and have thoughts of future projects of 'now that this one thing changed everything else will fuck up too'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a fucked up day because of all the back-chat I have allowed and then use the fucked up day as an excuse to act like a jerk and the reason for more blame to ensue

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define change as a fuck up

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project the anger I have toward myself for not being here as breathe onto others and the system

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel that if someone is able to change my plans that they have control and power over and of me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give more value to time than to people

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to throw a tantrum when my schedule is changed and become spiteful and stop speaking and participate within back-chat

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think of reasons why its someone's fault I am going to have a bad day

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be so limited selfish and close minded that I think that when something changes in my world that it is a huge deal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make a huge deal out of my schedule changing

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that people without homes, toilets, food, clean drinking water and or an education have limited access to any type of routine and are at the mercy of the system and other human beings everyday, every hour and in some cases every moment is completely at the mercy of others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give value to routine because I have allowed myself to become a good robot where my life has become simply a commodity and if I do not stick to a routine I can not survive in the current money system

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being unable to survive in the system because I see how cruel, ruthless and relentless it is because I have allowed it and accepted it to be so tacitly and directly

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the system and be angry at the system because I have to work so much all the time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the system for limiting my participation with other Destonians and the points that I require walking

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the thought that this world is so fucked up we are so trapped and fucked someone must be to blame and become angry at myself because I am here I am to blame this happened because I have allowed it for eons of time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry, frustrated and irritated because I see that my life had become a vicious cycle of never ending routine

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become desperate for 'free time'

When things change in my world and my reality and I have a reaction I realise this is only because I was not here I was out there somewhere trapped in some future projection in my mind stuck within an idea of control and freedom

When things change in my world and my reality I breathe embrace the change as myself within the realization that I do not have to exist as fear of change and in this I also allow myself to simply embrace myself as change

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give value to routine greater then the value of change and in this trap myself within polarity

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be here in every moment