Day 13: Self-Abuse

This is a continuation of the previous blog regarding accomplishment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist writing self corrective statements regarding accomplishment

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear correcting myself 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changing

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to again put off writing because I was thinking

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to time loop also know as a stupid loop the point of writing consistently

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the I don't know, I am too dumb, this is too hard, it's all too much to handle, I am not educated, I am inferior, I can't do it, it is impossible, its not for me, I am not smart enough, I am not good enough, that is foreign too me, I am incapable, pity me, feel sorry for me, self-sabotaging, self-judgemental, self-deprecating characters so that I will never stand up for myself as life and never support myself in being effective because I give up and give in before I even get my hands dirty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am incapable of accomplishment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am inconsistent, flaky and unreliable 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pity myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make all of these ideas I have of myself real by participating in thoughts of these points and not directing myself to stop immediately and forgive myself for moving into the mind and away from here within and as the physical reality within and as breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed off of the energy of self-abuse

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the energy of self-abuse

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel good when I feel bad and to feed off of the energy of emotional energetic movements/charges within my solar plexus

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will never know why I do this and why I like it and why i've allowed this for so long

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep this energy feeding a secret from others because I have formed a relationship with it 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowing myself to doubt myself just now and doubt that what I just forgave is really happening

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to access a jack-in-the-box memory of being a child filled laying in bed experiencing the same self-abusive energy of self-hate back chat as if the self abusive back-chat were a long time friend and companion a part of me who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as melancholy but only when I'm alone at night in bed where I can be alone with my friend "the energy of self-abuse"

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that I have allowed myself to become absolutely possessed by and through self-abuse that I create through accessing memories and emotions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to punish myself and at the same time like punishing myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harm my human physical body through and by participating in energy without realizing that this causes the diminishment of my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to consider what the consequence for participating in energy will do and has done to my human physical body

I see bit more clearly now how I have created the fear of accomplishment character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think to myself that I should not continue writing but rather delete my entire blog because I set an unrealistic goal for myself of writing out self-corrective statements

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a wave of tiredness come over me

here I am, I breathe here

I commit myself to no longer give my power away to fear of writing

I commit myself to no longer fear change

I commit myself to no longer judge my self-corrective statements as inferior to others I have read

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my writing to the writing of others and always deem mine as inferior and theirs as superior and then allow the creation consequence of self-defeat and separation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a consequence that would deem me seemingly unresponsible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself using logic

I commit myself to direct and move myself within and as the starting point of doing what is best for all

I commit myself to stop my participation in night time rituals of self-abusive thoughts and going into experiences of energetic movements

I commit myself to investigate what I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in and as within self-dishonesty, separation and self-abuse

I commit myself to support myself to take self-responsibility for myself and stop hiding myself in secret in thoughts of self-abuse

I commit myself to stop emotional crying

I commit myself to self-investigate, self-writing, self-forgiveness and self corrective application