Day 14: Postponement

Day 14: Postponement

post·pone  (pst-pn, ps-pn) tr.v. post·poned, post·pon·ing, post·pones 1. To delay until a future time; put off. See Synonyms at defer1. 2. To place after in importance; subordinate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by the thought of not wanting to write my blog

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I sat down to write my blog think that there was something else I must do like brush the cat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into guilt about waiting to brush the cat for so long that she got some matting under her arm pit and then thinking that if I wait to brush her any longer that I am self-dishonest all the while just using that as an excuse to avoid facing me here within and as writing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that I must first rate other peoples blogs and vlogs prior to writing my blog so that I can support others all the while manipulating self so that I would postpone writing myself out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to watch videos instead of writing my blog because I allowed and accepted the thought that I had nothing to write about and instead of writing I could first use some 'inspiration' from other participants

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I had nothing to write about

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to the idea that I had nothing to write about

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately be self-dishonest knowing darn well that I used the idea that I had nothing of value to write about as an excuse not to face self here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make coffee and play with the animals while the coffee brewed so that I could postpone writing my blog

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that drinking coffee would be supportive for me to get moving and direct myself to write

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dust the house with stuff to prevent bugs from entering the house so that I could postpone writing my blog

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am too tired to blog today and I should just do it tomorrow

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to the voice in the head says "I am too tired to blog today, I should just do it tomorrow, I only had a few hours of sleep last night I really am tired, it's important that I get rest" thus I forgive myself that I have deliberately excused myself with this exact excuse for the last 85 days or so and waste time and diminish myself and create the consequence of not walking effectively with the group for the last 100 days as an equal participant standing here stable within and as self-dedication and self direction

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that other people will have to just understand that I'm far to busy to support myself through writing right now and if I did have time I would definitely write

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify to myself as the voice in the head that it is acceptable that I do not write and through this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be deliberately spiteful to myself and others as me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a conversation with the voice in the head trying to come up with new ways to limit myself and my participation but masking that I do this with excuses and justifications so that I never have to take self-responsibility for myself and this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my ass will hurt if I sit at my chair for too long and then start to think how bad it sucks that I can not afford a chair rather than realizing what I am participating within and stop myself to see in self-honesty that if I am thinking I am not here as breath and simply stop and continue writing for self-support through doing what I have committed to myself to do in the moment here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from daily writing through my accepted and allowed participation within thoughts

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that its important for me to change my clothes prior to writing so that I will feel more comfortable while I'm writing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I need to find an aspirin because my gums hurt and that because my gums hurt I am irritated and not able to write effectively

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow thoughts and spend time in my mind as thoughts rather then directing myself and walking the decision for myself to walk daily writing as self-support and assistance

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed of myself for not supporting myself effectively with regards to writing myself out, to sort myself out through revealing for myself what I have participated in so that I forgive myself and correct myself within and as self-responsibility and self- honesty here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sweep the kitchen and living room prior to writing out my blog because I felt it needed to be done because I put a bunch of stuff on the floor to prevent bugs from coming into the house

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just now have the thought that I must go back and mop so that people won't inhale the dust from the stuff I put on the floor to prevent bugs

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard taking the commitment I have made for myself seriously but rather find ways to keep myself busy in finding something "presumably" more important and of more value than simply being here within an as self-intimacy facing myself through writing myself out point by point breath by breath here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to obsess about bugs getting into the house all the while not dealing with the 'bugs' I have accepted and allowed to manifest within and as me such as thoughts, feelings, emotions, judgments, beliefs, ideas, reactions, polarity, abuse, justification, shame, regret, fear, excitement, separation etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this background back-chat that my writing ability sucks and I should not write because then people will know how horrible I am at writing

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a conversation with the voice in the head that I have created in separation of myself so that I won't face myself but rather entertain myself in my mind with pictures, memories and future projections thus I forgive myself to create a voice in the head to keep me in my place limited and enslaved so that I have an excuse as to why I abdicated my self-responsibility all the while only spiting myself as life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that it is too hot and stuffy in this room to continue writing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to eat a cherry so bad that I want to get up from my seat to do it rather then continuing to write myself out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to fear of facing self and deliberately avoid taking self-responsibility for my creation

I now see realize and understand that I have accepted and allowed self to create distractions for self and have through this been spiteful to self thus I no longer accept or allow self to fall for the tricks of the mind because I see that it is not the mind but me that is the creator of such creations because I allowed thoughts to direct me for fear of facing self thus I simply breathe, move, direct and express self in the moment here and walk the physical movements to support myself and maintain my original stand and practice daily writing, self-honesty, self-forgiveness, self-correction until it is me in fact and I return to nothingness so that I can recreate myself to a being of dignity that lives and expresses what is best for all in every moment of breath equal and one as all life here