Day 12: Accomplishment

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry that I do not have enough time to do what I want to do daily

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel overwhelmed and be unoriented

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel worried I will never get my bearings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I will not have financial stability and must always be in a state of fear so that I will be able to survive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become completely delusional and think, believe and perceive that the only way I can survive is if I remain in constant fear of survival

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like the more I do the more incapable I become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be confused about what accomplishment is and wonder if accomplishment is good or bad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word accomplishment within  polarity

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that by giving a word a definition based in polarity I limit myself to the positive and negative value I have given to a word and only exist as the word within the manifestation of polarity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define accomplishment as egotistical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define accomplishment as bad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that accomplishment is wrong

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a negative emotional charge to the word accomplishment thus react emotionally to the word accomplishment whenever I hear it, write it and speak it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly wonder about accomplishment and what it is rather than clearing the definition for myself as self-support

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that if I were to accomplish a goal or goals I would be a show off

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define accomplishment as showing off

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others think of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to show off to prove to others that I have value

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be jealous of people who are accomplished or always accomplish what they set out to do and think to myself that they are showing off

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe and perceive that people who have accomplished a lot in their life are special and have qualities that I just wasn't born with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear accomplishment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to accomplishment and to define myself as inferior to being able to accomplish what I set out to do

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word accomplishment and for never actually looking up the definition of accomplishment to clarify my starting point with regards to this specific word


I looked up the definition and this is what I found:

ac·com·plish·ment

noun /əˈkämpliSHmənt/  accomplishments, plural Something that has been achieved successfully - the reduction of inflation was a remarkable accomplishment The successful achievement of a task - the accomplishment of planned objectives An activity that a person can do well, typically as a result of study or practice - long-distance running was another of her accomplishments Skill or ability in an activity - a poet of considerable accomplishment

ac·com·plish·ment  (-kmplsh-mnt)

n.

1. The act of accomplishing or the state of being accomplished; completion.

2. Something completed successfully; an achievement.

3. An acquired skill or expertise: a singer known for his accomplishment in vocal technique.

4. Social poise and grace.

Cool so I see here that accomplishment is not a bad, wrong or an egotistical point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I do not know how to be effective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will never be effective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be effective as a future projection

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I am incapable of being consistent, stable, specific and effective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to purposefully go to a memory of when I felt I was financially stable as a means of accessing a feelinge and wish I could feel that way again

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel as though I was more effective when I was in a relationship and in my old living environment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that moving to another state was possibly a terrible idea and that because I had high expectations that I now have to go to the consequence of being unsuccessful as self-punishment for having future projections of all the things I could accomplish when I moved 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define self-realization as self-punishment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from effectiveness and for placing effectiveness and accomplishment as something separate from me 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to miss being in a relationship with someone who is financially stable because I could depend on him

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to for so long put my process and my effectiveness on the back burner because I feared losing the relationship which I also equated with being financially stable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give money a greater value than life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use another person for personal financial gain and stability

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek stability somewhere out there rather then realizing here I am, I embrace stability as myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate that now I am faced with having to care for myself financially and fear I do not have it in me to do it and also support myself in the process of birthing myself as life within and as the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself for being inconsistent and for making excuses for myself for being inconsistent


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make excuses and justify to myself why I was ineffective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being inconsistent in my process and application

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that making a mistake is me supporting myself in seeing where I am able to become effective

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that when I make a mistake it is an opportunity and gift I grant myself to support myself within becoming more specific within my application of living what is best for all and to see where I am still allowing self-dishonesty so that I am able to correct myself here within and as breath

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that I do not yet realize see or understand every single point as this would be impossible because I am not yet self-honest thus I must first practice self-honesty and make the necessary mistakes and let go of self-judgement and self-sabotage to support myself effectively to walk breath by breath in every moment here physically in self-trust and self-honesty to live what is best for all life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold the believe that I am not capable of being consistent and stable for no more than short bursts of time

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand that if I am stable and consistent for short bursts of time I was not in fact consistent or stable thus I was existing as energy fluctuations of the mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions, not here present within and as breath directing myself in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like everything I touch turns to shit and that I am incapable of finishing what I start

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry and blame the money system for why I feel inferior to money all the time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as inferior to money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define money as superior to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge money and the money system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from money and for judging money as if money is separate manifestation from myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to stand equal to money and the money system within the realization that the money system exists here and I exist here physically and I am equally responsible for the money system in the way in which it is currently structured and therefore I am responsible for the abuse that has been allowed and accepted to be created through allowing an existence of such a system to perpetuate and infiltrate all and every facet of this world and this reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate and create a money system that is unequal and for requiring a monetary system in the first place because I can not trust myself thus I do not trust my neighbor and thus within existing as self-distrust I have allowed and accepted that there will always be a winner and a loser

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear self-trust because to trust myself means I am responsible for my actions, thoughts words and deed's

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate self-responsibility of my actions, thoughts, words and deeds within and as spitefulness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite myself and others as me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing money because it seems like no matter how much or hard I work to gain money the less financially stable I become


I forgive myself that I have not seen, realized or understood that I created loss of money through accepting and allowing myself to fear losing money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be jealous of those with money and wish I had money too because then I would have freedom to then do what I want to do 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that without money I will never amount to anything

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by having or not having money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value money more than myself as life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the idea that I am limited and that I will always be limited

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project the ideas I have of myself as limitation onto others and then feel like because they are limited and I am limited and that everything we attempt to do will eventually just turn to shit 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I may only get one chance and opportunity to be successful in this life and if I do not support myself effectively I won't be able to do what it is I plan to do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the idea that I only have this one chance and opportunity to be successful thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see realize and understand that for one to be successful one must create a way to be successful through consistency, writing, breathing here, self-forgiveness, self-corrective statements and self-correction in every moment within the starting point of acting, speaking and doing what is best for all life here equal and one

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create thoughts of self limitation and participate in them and believe that these thoughts are me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value to thoughts and make them superior to me

Will walk self-corrective statements in my next blog.