Day 12: Accomplishment

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry that I do not have enough time to do what I want to do daily

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel overwhelmed and be unoriented

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel worried I will never get my bearings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I will not have financial stability and must always be in a state of fear so that I will be able to survive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become completely delusional and think, believe and perceive that the only way I can survive is if I remain in constant fear of survival

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like the more I do the more incapable I become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be confused about what accomplishment is and wonder if accomplishment is good or bad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word accomplishment within  polarity

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that by giving a word a definition based in polarity I limit myself to the positive and negative value I have given to a word and only exist as the word within the manifestation of polarity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define accomplishment as egotistical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define accomplishment as bad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that accomplishment is wrong

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a negative emotional charge to the word accomplishment thus react emotionally to the word accomplishment whenever I hear it, write it and speak it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly wonder about accomplishment and what it is rather than clearing the definition for myself as self-support

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that if I were to accomplish a goal or goals I would be a show off

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define accomplishment as showing off

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others think of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to show off to prove to others that I have value

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be jealous of people who are accomplished or always accomplish what they set out to do and think to myself that they are showing off

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe and perceive that people who have accomplished a lot in their life are special and have qualities that I just wasn't born with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear accomplishment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to accomplishment and to define myself as inferior to being able to accomplish what I set out to do

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word accomplishment and for never actually looking up the definition of accomplishment to clarify my starting point with regards to this specific word


I looked up the definition and this is what I found:

ac·com·plish·ment

noun /əˈkämpliSHmənt/  accomplishments, plural Something that has been achieved successfully - the reduction of inflation was a remarkable accomplishment The successful achievement of a task - the accomplishment of planned objectives An activity that a person can do well, typically as a result of study or practice - long-distance running was another of her accomplishments Skill or ability in an activity - a poet of considerable accomplishment

ac·com·plish·ment  (-kmplsh-mnt)

n.

1. The act of accomplishing or the state of being accomplished; completion.

2. Something completed successfully; an achievement.

3. An acquired skill or expertise: a singer known for his accomplishment in vocal technique.

4. Social poise and grace.

Cool so I see here that accomplishment is not a bad, wrong or an egotistical point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I do not know how to be effective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will never be effective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be effective as a future projection

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I am incapable of being consistent, stable, specific and effective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to purposefully go to a memory of when I felt I was financially stable as a means of accessing a feelinge and wish I could feel that way again

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel as though I was more effective when I was in a relationship and in my old living environment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that moving to another state was possibly a terrible idea and that because I had high expectations that I now have to go to the consequence of being unsuccessful as self-punishment for having future projections of all the things I could accomplish when I moved 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define self-realization as self-punishment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from effectiveness and for placing effectiveness and accomplishment as something separate from me 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to miss being in a relationship with someone who is financially stable because I could depend on him

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to for so long put my process and my effectiveness on the back burner because I feared losing the relationship which I also equated with being financially stable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give money a greater value than life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use another person for personal financial gain and stability

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek stability somewhere out there rather then realizing here I am, I embrace stability as myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate that now I am faced with having to care for myself financially and fear I do not have it in me to do it and also support myself in the process of birthing myself as life within and as the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself for being inconsistent and for making excuses for myself for being inconsistent


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make excuses and justify to myself why I was ineffective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being inconsistent in my process and application

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that making a mistake is me supporting myself in seeing where I am able to become effective

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that when I make a mistake it is an opportunity and gift I grant myself to support myself within becoming more specific within my application of living what is best for all and to see where I am still allowing self-dishonesty so that I am able to correct myself here within and as breath

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that I do not yet realize see or understand every single point as this would be impossible because I am not yet self-honest thus I must first practice self-honesty and make the necessary mistakes and let go of self-judgement and self-sabotage to support myself effectively to walk breath by breath in every moment here physically in self-trust and self-honesty to live what is best for all life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold the believe that I am not capable of being consistent and stable for no more than short bursts of time

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand that if I am stable and consistent for short bursts of time I was not in fact consistent or stable thus I was existing as energy fluctuations of the mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions, not here present within and as breath directing myself in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like everything I touch turns to shit and that I am incapable of finishing what I start

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry and blame the money system for why I feel inferior to money all the time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as inferior to money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define money as superior to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge money and the money system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from money and for judging money as if money is separate manifestation from myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to stand equal to money and the money system within the realization that the money system exists here and I exist here physically and I am equally responsible for the money system in the way in which it is currently structured and therefore I am responsible for the abuse that has been allowed and accepted to be created through allowing an existence of such a system to perpetuate and infiltrate all and every facet of this world and this reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate and create a money system that is unequal and for requiring a monetary system in the first place because I can not trust myself thus I do not trust my neighbor and thus within existing as self-distrust I have allowed and accepted that there will always be a winner and a loser

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear self-trust because to trust myself means I am responsible for my actions, thoughts words and deed's

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate self-responsibility of my actions, thoughts, words and deeds within and as spitefulness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite myself and others as me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing money because it seems like no matter how much or hard I work to gain money the less financially stable I become


I forgive myself that I have not seen, realized or understood that I created loss of money through accepting and allowing myself to fear losing money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be jealous of those with money and wish I had money too because then I would have freedom to then do what I want to do 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that without money I will never amount to anything

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by having or not having money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value money more than myself as life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the idea that I am limited and that I will always be limited

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project the ideas I have of myself as limitation onto others and then feel like because they are limited and I am limited and that everything we attempt to do will eventually just turn to shit 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I may only get one chance and opportunity to be successful in this life and if I do not support myself effectively I won't be able to do what it is I plan to do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the idea that I only have this one chance and opportunity to be successful thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see realize and understand that for one to be successful one must create a way to be successful through consistency, writing, breathing here, self-forgiveness, self-corrective statements and self-correction in every moment within the starting point of acting, speaking and doing what is best for all life here equal and one

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create thoughts of self limitation and participate in them and believe that these thoughts are me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value to thoughts and make them superior to me

Will walk self-corrective statements in my next blog.

Day 11: The past must be forgiven - I correct myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put off writing my self-corrective statements


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear writing out self-corrective statements


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear writing out clear self-corrective statements for myself because I fear that I will not follow through on what I commit to


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting myself to do what is best for all in every single moment


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a mistake and allowing myself to go into discomfort when considering self-corrective statements


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about what self-corrective statements to write and fear that I will miss something and then timeloop the points


I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize the absurdity of allowing fear of timeloops while at the same time going into a time loop to avoid one


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to work out self-corrective statements in my mind as thoughts and not realize that by doing this I will never correct myself thus writing self-corrective statements is a physical act and so is self-correction therefore I realize that to correct myself I must work with what is physically here breathe, write, self-direct 


I commit myself to no longer exist as shame and regret with regards to my past relationships


I no longer allow myself to define myself as as slut, player, cheater, liar, manipulator or inferior towards men 


I commit to standing equal and one with and as men as me here and no longer participate in ideas regarding male and female 'roles' 


I no longer accept myself to believe in the idea that I am and always will be a limited person and that I am no more than my memories 


I no longer accept or allow myself to believe that my memories define me and that my past is all I have the ability of being and existing as because it was what I allowed myself to be and live for so long


I commit myself to remain here within and as breath thus I embrace all of me and am not limited to past or future but I am able to bring it all here as me to face myself, forgive myself, correct myself, direct myself and embrace myself within and as self-honesty and self-intimacy



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to base self-direction and change on the past and to think that because I have allowed myself to exist this way for so long that I can not be trusted because I never trusted myself


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never trust myself to be self-honest



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I only deserve the worst and that I am undeserving of life and living here


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to thoughts of inferiority towards life and for using this as an excuse to not face myself 


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realise and understand that this is the ego and that I have allowed myself to give my power away to the ego the I have created


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the ego as a defense mechanism 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that feelings and emotions are real and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I am the only one that can give make them valid through participation in them


I commit to no longer giving my power away to feelings and emotions when I feel energetic movement within me I stop, breathe delete the thought, feeling and or emotion and remain here within and as the physical



I see, realise and understand that I am able to be satisfied with myself and my participation and I don't have to have this doom and gloom feeling of inferiority, self-judgement and shame looming over me as if I deserve only the worst and that somehow I am still undeserving of life 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear life because it is the unknown because I have never lived in fact but only existed as the mind as thoughts, feeling and emotions thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my thoughts feelings and emotions as my precious as points I do not want to let go of because I have throughout my existence defined myself as them with them in separation from me here as all as one as equal as life



I commit myself to practice remaining here within and as breath 


If I go into the mind and start thinking or believing that I can't do something because of a past memory or memories that may pop-up like a jack-in-the-box I stop, I breathe, bring myself back here within and as the physical and say out loud here I am, I am here and touch my physical body and become aware of my physical body and listen to sounds in the physical as self support in earthing myself and if I am near the animals I will pet them and play with them or touch my agreement partner or anyone or anything physical close by lol! as self support in earthing myself to bring myself here and not allow myself to recreate what I have forgiven and let go of


I commit myself to no longer define myself according to my past and work with what is here at a physical level directing myself in the moment to do what is best for all 


furthermore, I commit to support myself and others as myself if a thought comes up that I should lie, cheat or abuse myself or another as me I breathe and look here at the possible consequence if I were to participate in what I have committed to no longer participate in and stop the thoughts by saying stop, I am here and not give energy to thoughts take in a deep breath and continue working with what is here if the point persists I direct myself and support myself in the moment and speak self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements out loud until I am clear and satisfied that I have cleared my starting point and walk here

Day 10: Once a cheater always a cheater?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to and cheat on men 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cheat myself out of the ability to express myself here as a real human being with care and consideration for myself and others as myself equal and one


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my own thought patterns of always thinking about sex toward men


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself and judge myself for thinking about sex thus not allowing myself to see that I felt guilt for thinking about sex and rather than face myself and my participation in perverse thoughts project and turn self-judgement into judgement out there toward men so I never had to face myself and what I was participating in and as


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thoughts of sex and what it would be like to have sex with strangers and wonder how large their dick is


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look at men and be curious how they would fuck


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be curious what it would be like to have a threesome


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and desire to be with many men so that I could experience all the different men out there so that I do not miss out on an experience


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as an experience and not see that an experience is simply based in energy positive and negative and that because I want an experience I am not actually real here living breathing on earth but in separation to and toward something seeking to fulfill something I do not realize is not out there but here 


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be self-intimate because self-intimacy requires for me to embrace all of me here and sort myself out the good/bad and the ugly 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I must fuck multiple men in order to express myself sexually thus not realizing that I can express myself with one partner if I stopped thinking about sex and rather expressed myself here physically within self-honesty with and as another as equal


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to never consider self-honesty and thus never allowed myself to embrace myself as self intimacy and intimacy with another as me equal and one


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to watch porn so that I can get tips on how to be a better lover 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like when men are aggressive in the bedroom so that I can feel innocent 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define sex and sexuality as bad/wrong/dirty


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a slut for liking sex


I forgive myself that I never accepted and allowed myself to realize that sex is simply another way to express myself here and does not require to have any attachments of guilt


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have booty calls so that I could have secret sex that no one but myself and the other person would know about so that I could express myself in my secrecy 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to keep that I enjoy sex a secret with people I have defined as superior to me


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to like secret sex and sex where someone could find out and get aroused by the idea of it rather then being here enjoying myself here with another as myself in the physical and not in my mind as thoughts 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse my human physical body and the body of others to maintain an energy high based on inferiority and superiority


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of all the different partners I have had sex 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately lie to every single man I went into a relationship with regarding how many partners I've been and with tell them that they were the best just to make sure they were feeling good about themselves thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself self-honest communication and always end up dissatisfied in the end because the communication was unclear and the entire starting point was a fuck up based in self-interest/ego/shame and self-deception


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good about myself when I lied because I could act as if I was innocent and pure/clean


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for having one night stands


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to mutually use and be used for sex thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be entirely directed by my mind and never consider our physical human body's and what I put it through because I never considered my body only the energy I would get from having sex with men in secret


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have sex for a mind fuck


I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to go into a personality when having sex with strange men and express myself differently because I was not reserved and did not have to pretend to be sweet and innocent when I was truly a wolf in sheeps clothing waiting the next person to gain an energetic charge from


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become aroused by thinking about sex and not through physical touch


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel as if I won something when I would have secret sex or cheat on men because I felt superior as if I got away with something, I got away with murder thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself every time I had sex because it was all about energy and not about what is real not about considering another as myself not about breath not about physical touch just ego games and vampirism


To be continued... Thanks for reading