Day 47: Judgment Day

Meeting my maker, my thoughts...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that people will judge me

Looking more closely at this point I see that I don’t truly fear that people will judge me, I fear that maybe once everything is all out in the open people will see my vulnerability and that somehow this will place me in dangern either physically or emotionally most likely emotionally therefore when I look at this point I see that I’m resisting an emotional experience and don’t want to be emotional about something because then I will be in a position of inferiority and weakness but really I don’t have to become emotional because I realize commonsensically that emotions can be stopped in a single moment in a single breath so therefore there is no need to fear but rather simply stop, period, stop my participation and be here breathe here.

I will continue to investigate this point and flagpoint the experience and slowly walk back-wards to see the timeline of events where this patterned exists

I have pre-planned and pre-programmed a specific consequence for myself so then I can simply blame the so called choice I made as "bad ones" rather than seeing in self-honesty that I participated in such points so that I can do what I want, instead of walking my will

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that other people are judging me or other people are thinking about me as a way to blame rather then realize that within this manipulation tactic I have actually allowed self-abuse, separation and abdicated my self-responsibility

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to commit to taking self-responsibility in writing and in word but not in deed where it matters

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have been living the word judgement as the definition: opinions expressed as facts

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself and give into thoughts, feelings and emotions all of which are self-created

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make walking my process about others and worry about what others might think about me rather than walking this process for myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to effectively walk my process

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuses of "but, but I don't know how to do all of this" it's too hard and I can't do it" it's not possible" I have to be much smarter than I am"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about process and have opinions about process rather then in the moment simply stop my participation in thoughts, judgements, opinions and limitation

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to self-honestly investigate the above statements and therefore see realize and understand that I could never understand process through thinking about process because process does not require thought, feelings, emotions, ideas, opinions, fear, energy the mind does not like simplicity but rather complication and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain myself as my mind to avoid taking self-responsibility

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ask for permission from people rather than trusting myself to make a direct, self-honest, common sense decision that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to leave myself open to receive  direction from people thus implying that I am a slave

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become a slave to the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this tactic as a means to avoid taking responsibility and as a way to ultimately blame others for my short comings