tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-47438716951166350222024-03-13T13:08:27.539-07:00Writing: Journey To LifeWriting... Journey To Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12321884388097664806noreply@blogger.comBlogger47125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4743871695116635022.post-78718164952582469222013-09-13T22:21:00.002-07:002013-09-13T22:22:05.011-07:00Day 47: Judgment Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that people will judge me</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><b><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">Looking more closely at this point I see that I don’t truly fear that people will judge me, I fear that maybe once everything is all out in the open people will see my vulnerability and that somehow this will place me in dangern either physically or emotionally most likely emotionally therefore when I look at this point I see that I’m resisting an emotional experience and don’t want to be emotional about something because then I will be in a position of inferiority and weakness but really I don’t have to become emotional because I realize </span><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 17px; white-space: pre-wrap;">commonsensically</span><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"> that emotions can be stopped in a single moment in a single breath so therefore there is no need to fear but rather simply stop, period, stop my participation and be here breathe here.</span></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I will continue to investigate this point and flagpoint the experience and slowly walk back-wards to see the timeline of events where this patterned exists</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have pre-planned and pre-programmed a specific consequence for myself so then I can simply blame the so called choice I made as "bad ones" rather than seeing in self-honesty that I participated in such points so that I can do what I want, instead of walking my will</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that other people are judging me or other people are thinking about me as a way to blame rather then realize that within this manipulation tactic I have actually allowed self-abuse, separation and abdicated my self-responsibility </span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to commit to taking self-responsibility in writing and in word but not in deed where it matters</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have been living the word judgement as the definition: opinions expressed as facts</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself and give into thoughts, feelings and emotions all of which are self-created</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make walking my process about others and worry about what others might think about me rather than walking this process for myself</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to effectively walk my process </span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuses of "but, but I don't know how to do all of this" it's too hard and I can't do it" it's not possible" I have to be much smarter than I am"</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about process and have opinions about process rather then in the moment simply stop my participation in thoughts, judgements, opinions and limitation</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to self-honestly investigate the above statements and therefore see realize and understand that I could never understand process through thinking about process because process does not require thought, feelings, emotions, ideas, opinions, fear, energy the mind does not like simplicity but rather complication and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain myself as my mind to avoid taking self-responsibility</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ask for permission from people rather than trusting myself to make a direct, self-honest, common sense decision that is best for all</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to leave myself open to receive direction from people thus implying that I am a slave</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become a slave to the mind</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this tactic as a means to avoid taking responsibility and as a way to ultimately blame others for my short comings</span></b></span></div>
<br />Writing... Journey To Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12321884388097664806noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4743871695116635022.post-41735314432577762222013-08-28T20:56:00.000-07:002013-09-13T21:45:49.822-07:00Day 46: Paranoia: What are they thinking about me?!?!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 1.15;"><b>Paranoia: What are they thinking about me?</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1">"paranoia</span> |ˌparəˈnoiə|</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">noun</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">a mental condition characterized by delusions of persecution, unwarranted jealousy, or exaggerated self-importance, typically elaborated into an organized system. It may be an aspect of chronic personality disorder, of drug abuse, or of a serious condition such as schizophrenia in which the person loses touch with reality.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s2">• </span>suspicion and mistrust of people or their actions without evidence or justification <i>: the global paranoia about hackers and viruses.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">DERIVATIVES</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>paranoiac </b><span class="s3">|-ˈnoi-ak; -ˈnoi-ik|</span> adjective & noun</span></div>
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<span class="s4" style="font-family: inherit;"><b>paranoiacally </b>adverb</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>paranoic </b><span class="s3">|-ˈnoi-ik|</span> adjective</span></div>
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<span class="s4" style="font-family: inherit;"><b>paranoically </b>adverb</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s5">ORIGIN </span>early 19th cent.: modern Latin, from Greek, from <b><i>paranoos ‘distracted,’ </i></b>from <b><i>para ‘irregular’ </i></b>+ <b><i>noos ‘mind.’"</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to care about what other people think about me</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that people will not accept me</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realize or understand that the fear of exposing myself is actually the fear of exposing my thoughts, feelings and emotions </b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I were to share my process and share myself and what I’ve done and thoughts I have had that people will undoubtedly judge me </b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that people always judge me</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about what other people might be thinking about me and immediately think they must be thinking the worst and then judge myself immediately and agree with my mind that what they might be thinking which is the worst is true and then feel bad about myself and feel inferior and even then resist speaking to certain people that I think are the most judgemental </b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and limit myself to and as my memories thoughts feelings and emotions</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to the policeman in my head and not step out of “line” so to speak</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to preprogramming through accepting and allowing this point of back-chat to direct and control me</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist taking myself on as my mind as thoughts feelings and emotions</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realize or understand that I have created myself this way therefore to change I must become responsible and correct myself to no longer exist as this limited version of myself </b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to thoughts, feelings and emotions and never practically embrace me within and as self intimacy to no longer define myself as the mind as thoughts, feelings emotions and thus limitation</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing approval from people if they actually see who I have allowed and accepted myself to be </b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if people don’t know me they are more likely to accept me and give me the benefit of the doubt</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am fooling others not seeing realizing or understanding that I have only been pretending to fool others but in fact I have been deliberately fooling myself</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to direct myself and thus not embrace myself as self-forgiveness and self-correction </b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have met Bernard in person so badly and everyone at the farm so they possibly support me to see and realize things about myself that I have not been humble enough to investigate for myself</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; vertical-align: baseline;"><b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my </span></span><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 17px; white-space: pre-wrap;">responsibility</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"> to remain humble</span></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to take responsibility for me and at the same time resent it when people support me with direction because I see that I have simply given my power away by not actually investigating the point for myself first</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself to make decisions that are best for all </b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to embrace and apply the support shared/given to me by others unconditionally </b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to receive support in vain and still sabotage myself through rebellion </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to actually hear/here the support that has being shared with me</b></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe thoughts</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist humility</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; vertical-align: baseline;"><b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resent </span></span><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 17px; white-space: pre-wrap;">vulnerability</span> </b></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; vertical-align: baseline;"><b><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 17px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resent vulnerability because I fear it would make me look weak in the eyes of others and thus open to abuse</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as the supported and not see or realize that I can also support others through firstly supporting myself here</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to embrace or respond to the unconditional support given and shared by others </b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to practically support myself to actually change me</b></span></div>
<b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to encapsulate myself behind the walls of the mind and use these fake “walls” as veils to screen myself from seeing myself for real</span></span></b><br />
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>To be continued in my next blog.</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>*Oxford Dictionary</b></span></span>Writing... Journey To Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12321884388097664806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4743871695116635022.post-57989135705448176952013-08-12T08:00:00.001-07:002013-08-28T20:38:06.800-07:00Day 45: BERNARD POOLMAN <div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Bernard Poolman </b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>An honorable, self-sacrificing man that could be trusted, a man with Integrity. A man who lead by living as an example. A man that lived as all as one as equal as life - died yesterday. </b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>It is a sad day when the world no longer has a man that lives like he is alive and not exist like he is dying. </b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>It’s unbelievable and surreal to even be writing this. I am grateful for his dedication and for the offering of simple solutions that he shared daily, constantly, consistently and continually.</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>I met Bernard Poolman on the Desteni forum in 2008 back then he wrote under the username “common sense.” When I first read his words I was astounded by his specificity, support, assistance, insight, common sense and the by the self-honesty that he shared. His overall expression impressed me and impressed upon me the value of self-responsibility and the value of life. He never judged. He may have pushed the necessary buttons to support beings to step it up and stop limitation, but it was within the starting point of equality - real love.</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Sadly, he was different than any being I had ever encountered. I say sadly because how he lived is extremely rare and unfortunately only lived by very few in this world.</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>He showed me that I could be more than the limited being I allowed myself believe I was. He taught by living as an example what’s possible when one remains here as breath. He taught many, many things to me more than I can name here because it was over a course of 5 years, I don’t think he ever slept. He was able to produce so much written material and video interviews it is seemed unreal. He touched on all topics, subjects and he investigated all things and over the last 5 years I have had the pleasure to speak with him, laugh with him, share with him, read his words, listen to his interviews and learn from his example. He was all these things yet not limited to them he was undefinable in that he embraced all as self here. </b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>He taught me that how I had defined myself was by a definition that I accepted in separation of myself and that I could delete the definition I accepted in inequality and rewrite and redefine what it is I wanted to live as, and for within and as the principle of equality and oneness within and as all life. He taught me how to apply all of this through utilizing the process of practice, self-responsibility, self-honesty, self-forgiveness and self-correction.</b></span></div>
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He taught me that intelligence is common sense, and the ability to treat another how I would like to be treated. <span style="line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">He shared with me a simple mathematical equation 1+1=2 that I’m able to apply in each moment to support myself. He showed me how to consider the consequences of my actions, words and deeds and thus prevent those which are not best for all life and to do this if it is my will to live a dignified life, a life that is actually best for all, a life worthy of living and to give myself purpose and meaning.</span></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He taught me to be considerate and how to treat and care for animals, humans, the earth, water all that is here and to consider myself and care for myself as an equal part of the whole, here. He taught me how to breath and remain here present physical, he taught me to become aware of my human physical body. He lived as an example of what it is to become one’s greatest expression. </span></b></span><br />
<b style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 1.15;"><span style="line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">He lived as an example of what is possible if one is willing to be self-honest and stand up and stop existing as an organic robot and start directing oneself within a new, clear starting point a starting point of equality and oneness. He showed us how to embrace ourselves as all that exists here and take responsibility for the mess we have created, every part of it - and start forgiving ourselves once and for all so we stop creating separation and abuse and start living and enjoying self-intimacy and self-expression.</span></b></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>He stood as a fine example of how to actually, practically live the words of Jesus to do unto another as I would like to have done unto me and to give as I would like to receive. He lived this absolutely. He didn’t talk about it, he walked the talk and showed in his consistency, stability and steadfastness that it is possible.</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>He showed me what it is to be courageous and fearless he never let the haters move him. It takes courage to live self-honestly. I never knew that someone could be so effective, gentle, humble, confident, direct, funny, clear, loyal, precise, interesting, disciplined, supportive, self-responsible, dynamic, unconditional, and self-honest.</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>I can not yet fully express in words all the ways he has supported me and many, many others. The support he shared was unconditional and absolute and he lived this as self-expression. It wasn’t something he boasted about but rather something he invited all to participate within and to become a part of, to realize that there is absolutely no exclusivity in life but it is here for all who are willing to let go of their ego and walk the process of self-forgiveness, self-honesty, self-correction and rebuild oneself to become a being that can be trusted with life and live a life of dignity and respect because this will support one to prove to be able to trust themselves.</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>He taught me by example what is real love. He was and still is my greatest support and now I realize I must be this support for myself and walk this process for myself breath by breath. I am the key, no one can walk my process for me for although he has been a great example. He was a visionary, truly genuine and real.</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>The words he spoke and the tonality of his voice could stir one's inner waters. He lived within and as the words he spoke he could be counted and trusted. </b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>He walked as an example of what is capable if one forgave themselves and correct themselves to be an effective human being that can be trusted.</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>He showed us how money could be used as a tool if it were given to all equally. He showed examples of how to create equality through the use of money as a starting point so that every human and animals basic needs are met and also within this a principle could be lived what is best for all is best for self this of course includes nature the earth, the air. Everything and everyone here.</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>I’m still working on building my vocabulary to be able to effectively express myself which was something he also supported me and many others with. He taught me to be critical and not jump to conclusions based on ideas, memories, feelings, emotions, interpretations, associations etc. I am so very grateful for the moments I spoke with him and for all that he has shared and for that which was given unconditionally. </b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>I am grateful for the self-forgiveness statements he wrote that I can speak out loud and utilize still as a point of self-support and assistance for myself when I myself have not been able to be self-honest enough to explore the points on my own - so that I can also see that I can do it and also live the same words as myself.</b></span></div>
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">It has been 5 years and I am very grateful to be here today to write this witness statement. I had the honor and pleasure to witness a person who truly cared and truly loved thank you Bernard Poolman thank you to your children who you have raised so well and proven that parents are able to be effective living examples.</span></span></span></b><br />
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</span> <span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He showed me what it is to live and how to live by example to also support others in their processes. It is each one's turn to give to another what we would like to receive. That is all he ever asked of anyone and did not accept anything less.</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">His expression will never die, he lived in a way that even after death, he is much more alive today than most. You're life was not in vain it was an effective life worth living the world is a better one because of you. I'm a practivist because of you, I will not stop until it is D-ONE and we are in fact equal and one.</span></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I commit to live a life within the principle of equality and oneness I breathe, I stand, I express and I walk.</span></b></span>Writing... Journey To Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12321884388097664806noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4743871695116635022.post-54301122960486118752012-12-13T22:20:00.001-08:002012-12-13T22:27:47.661-08:00Day 44: More Bugs<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-CV6T7Z7GyCM/UMrGjzd6YnI/AAAAAAAAAOE/j0r9iEci97U/s1600/microscopicinsect.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="201" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-CV6T7Z7GyCM/UMrGjzd6YnI/AAAAAAAAAOE/j0r9iEci97U/s320/microscopicinsect.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to fear getting parasites in my body<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having a tick stick onto my body and dig its feet into my body and suck my blood<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a bug will fly or walk into my mouth<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear moths<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge moths as ugly<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being stung by a bee or a wasp<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately go into fear that a bee or wasp will sting me because they will be able to sense that I fear them<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge flies as filthy dirty disgusting insects that will get filth on me if it lands on me eg. faeces<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear leaving food out because a bug or fly might get into it and I might eat it and it might end up in my stomach and cause me to become sick or get a parasite that will cause me to get extremely ill and possibly die<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I might get a parasite or give a parasite to someone<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to obsessively fear getting or having a parasite<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I might get a parasite in my heart<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I might get a parasite in my brain<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I might get or have a parasite in my stomach<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to pictures of parasites and start imagining all of them in my body and then worry that somehow I might get one if I'm not careful<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear bugs with long skinny tentacles<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear bugs with many legs and long skinny legs<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear bed bugs<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear cockroaches<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear scorpions<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear centipedes<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear millipedes<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear locusts<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear swarms<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear black widows<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear hairy spiders<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear bugs that walk on water<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and hate mosquitoes<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear child of the earth insects<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear microscopic bugs<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear mites<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear ticks<br />
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to be continued...Writing... Journey To Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12321884388097664806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4743871695116635022.post-17068941344964435292012-12-11T23:10:00.000-08:002012-12-11T23:10:15.827-08:00Day 43: It's all as me here<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Did you ever have a look at yourself self-honestly and go wow I'm a real jerk? I'm one of those people I gossip about, I'm one of those people that gossips, I'm one of those people I despise, I'm one of those egotistical freaks, I'm one of those addicts, I'm one of those people I loathe, I'm one of those selfish people I resent, I'm one of those people who lies to themselves and everyone else, I'm one of those people who is weak, I'm one of those people who is afraid and scared, I'm one of those people who is greedy, I'm one of those people who likes to win and thus accepts losers, I'm one of those liars, I'm one of those people who consumes, I'm one of those people who likes division, I'm one of those racists, I'm one of those prejudice people, I'm one of those people who feels sorry for themselves, I'm one of those people who is fake, I'm one of those people who cheats, I'm one of those people who uses, I'm one of those people who abuses, I'm one of those people who judges, I'm one of those people who steals, I'm one of those people who doesn't know themselves, I'm one of those people obsessed with body image, I'm one of those losers, I'm one of those people who hates, I'm all these characters I claim to hate yet I deny it by blaming others of it.<br />
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Self-honesty is not fun or pretty it can be quite fucked up to realize everything I have accepted and allowed and even more fucked up to realize that I have fucked myself so much that it has become hard to face, see, realize understand and take self-responsiblity for myself. Who knew self-honesty would be difficult? Who knew I actually created myself in such a way that I would find it hard to consider others and look at myself and correct myself and stop participating in my creation.<br />
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Before I found Desteni and started walking my process writing and applying self-forgiveness I thought somehow in this world I had a purpose in life and I thought once I found that purpose I would be fulfilled and satisfied. The purpose I wanted was only to please my ego and self-interest, I never really gave a true fuck about anyone else or anything else just simply cared about how I would look to others for my accomplishments and about the fuzzy feeling I would have. I have the opportunity to do something and give myself a purpose I realize it is difficult because I have allowed myself to be programmed. The purpose I was looking for was actually just a means to acquire energy like a vampire sucking blood from its victim.<br />
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I still haven't cried properly, I'm not sure what I'm holding onto and not sure why but writing has been supportive. <br />
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<br />Writing... Journey To Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12321884388097664806noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4743871695116635022.post-78697786278176681422012-12-10T22:46:00.001-08:002012-12-10T22:46:35.103-08:00Day 42: I'm Buggin<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rNxiFkIdnmI/UMbWeV2LDeI/AAAAAAAAANY/TqVWTsJn_9Y/s1600/InsectRights.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="292" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rNxiFkIdnmI/UMbWeV2LDeI/AAAAAAAAANY/TqVWTsJn_9Y/s320/InsectRights.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to bugs<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scream in horror when I see a bug or if one flies near me<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a bug touching my skin<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a bug buzzing near my ear<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a bug crawling into my mouth at night<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be captivated by some insects and repulsed by others<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being stung or bitten by a bug<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define bugs as dirty and gross<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear bugs crawling on my skin<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to especially fear bugs with very hard outer shells and fly <br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only fear bugs that are not visually pretty according to what I think is pretty or interesting for instance a butterfly, lady bug, praying mantis, walking stick, rollie pollie, spiders or a caterpillar<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear spider webs and be completely disgusted when I touch one or walk into one by accident<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate the feeling of spider web on my hands<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react and feel grossed out when I see other people touch old spider webs with their bear hands<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the feeling of bug legs and little feet on my skin<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if a bug is too close for too long it might get me sick somehow<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be grossed out by those big green fat bugs because I'm afraid that I might accidentally squash it and then its guts will gush everywhere<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear bugs because I can not communicate with them<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that because certain insects are so small they might sting me before I even know it so I run so they won't get close<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear bugs because I can not control them<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that an insect might attach to me so much that I can not get it off of me<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting a disease from an insect<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear bugs because I don't fully understand them<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be prejudice against insects<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from bugs<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear insects<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a bug sucking my blood and passing another persons blood into my blood stream<br />
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To be continued...<br />
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<br />Writing... Journey To Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12321884388097664806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4743871695116635022.post-74106056084163167692012-12-09T23:13:00.002-08:002012-12-09T23:14:06.691-08:00Day 41: Cleanliness is next to godliness <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gaRX5M8Q2sQ/UMWD2rLFVgI/AAAAAAAAANE/pQFL3I_sys4/s1600/boy+with+dirty+water.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="215" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gaRX5M8Q2sQ/UMWD2rLFVgI/AAAAAAAAANE/pQFL3I_sys4/s320/boy+with+dirty+water.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to clean out as a reaction<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to copy the cleaning character from my mother<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to recreate a program through accepting and allowing myself to exist as a cleaning character<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to back-chat about my mothers reactions to the condition of my home and wish she never came over for a visit in the first place<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my mothers reaction before her visit during her visit and judge myself after she left <br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about what my mother might say to me about how my house looks and then start cleaning from the reaction of fear<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to clean from the starting point of pleasing what I perceived my mothers idea of an acceptable clean home would look and smell like <br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged as dirty and as a slob<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that people will think less of me if my house is not clean and orderly<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as disorganized, dirty and a slob<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to clean from the polarity reaction of dirty is bad and clean is good<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad about myself if my house isn't clean and feel good about myself if my house is clean<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and listen to the words in my head "cleanliness is next to godliness" while I'm cleaning<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that cleanliness is next to godliness and not actually consider what this saying means, if it is in fact common sense or fuzzy logic<br />
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Thus I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to clear my starting pointf rather then just blindly living words that I heard someone speak based on my idea of what it meant based on my beliefs, ideas and opinions <br />
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I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider the atrocious conditions billions of people must suffer and accept as their standard living condition because of an unequal money system <br />
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I forgive myself thgat I have accepted and allowed myself to make such a huge deal out of cleaning while not considering others and how allowing and accepting back-chat is actually creating unhealthy living conditions for many beings in this world, humans, animals etc.<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted or allowed myself to make cleaning into a positive and negatively charged event rather then simply seeing the common sense points to consider regarding cleanliness such as hygiene for example<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if someone makes a "mess" that they are somehow being disrespectful toward me<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take messes personally whether they are my own or if others have made them<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a huge deal of cleaning<br />
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I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to question the saying that cleanliness is next to godliness because if that were the case then how come god would allow such disgusting living conditions for so many beings so much so that even drinking water unclean and unsafe to drink<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame god for people living in disgusting living conditions and not realize that I am co-creating and equally participating in this world therefore I am equally responsible for cleaning it up and stopping the atrocities by prevention rather than getting to a point where so many people have to suffer at the hands of the elite because our monetary system is based on winners and losers<br />
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I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider that people have to sift through trash to find food because I have allowed and accepted a world that is unequal<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be preoccupied within my own little bubble so much so that I have not considered all the consequences of allowing myself to exist as this cleaning character that only cares about my ego and wanting others to see me as clean and well put together<br />
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I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize or understand that no one should ever have to live in an unclean unsafe environment<br />
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I commit myself to being a custodian to clear myself and clean up this world as myself so that no matter who or where anyone is at any given moment anyone can swap places with anyone and be satisfied because all are equal, respected and able live a life of dignity<br />
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I commit myself to practicing self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-correction so that one day I may stand equal to and one with self-trust within and as self-honesty within and as breath within and as moment here within and as self-expression<br />
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I commit myself to clean up the mess I have made I start here through writing to see where I am still self-dishonest forgiving myself within and as self-honesty and walk the necessary self-correction <br />
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<br />Writing... Journey To Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12321884388097664806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4743871695116635022.post-84670610523803505482012-12-08T23:58:00.002-08:002012-12-09T00:07:20.645-08:00Day 40: Nothing to say<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Well today I'm not feeling so good, I have been tired all day and there is a heaviness throughout my body. I don't have much to write about I did want to talk about cleaning again so that I can complete my last post but right now it doesn't seem so relevant. I had to force myself to blog today, I just feel sad and listless. I know I've been suppressing myself and this is probably just a build up of that but for some reason I don't want to express myself today. I feel shit and that's about it. I have committed to writing everyday even if it seems that it's non-constructive, I'm not even sure if that is a word. Anyway I still write here to support me, mostly I have this huge blockage in my throat and chest and I want to cry but I feel that maybe it's not important to cry and it would be a huge waste. Maybe crying will release this bent, twisted knot in my solar plexus I'm not sure, maybe I will cry, I don't want anyone to see me because I'm not sure why I feel like crying and I don't have a decent explanation. I don't really understand myself at the moment. I've had trouble remaining here all day nothing seems to make sense, I may be feeling sorry for myself so I will stop here.<br />
<br />Writing... Journey To Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12321884388097664806noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4743871695116635022.post-8076142033946297702012-12-07T23:29:00.001-08:002012-12-08T23:50:15.754-08:00Day 39: Cinderella <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-R6YPZjPY19w/UMLsSRfcCHI/AAAAAAAAAMc/h97xI8zpLrE/s1600/cinderella_mop.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-R6YPZjPY19w/UMLsSRfcCHI/AAAAAAAAAMc/h97xI8zpLrE/s1600/cinderella_mop.jpg" /></a></div>
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself by watching Disney movies growing up as a child and immediately place myself in the female role and believe that I entirely related to certain female characters<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like Cinderella when cleaning<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of that part of the movie where Cinderella is cleaning<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself when I clean<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry when I clean and take out my anger on cleaning<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the energy of anger to move myself to clean<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make cleaning more than myself <br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from cleaning<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that if the house is clean I can relax and if it is dirty I must be uncomfortable and I must judge myself the whole time until I get up and start cleaning based on anger<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare the cleanliness of my house to other homes and be upset because I think that it would be impossible to be that clean without cleaning for hours on end everyday<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel dissatisfied with how clean my home is<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear becoming sick if the house is dirty<br />
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to be continued...Writing... Journey To Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12321884388097664806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4743871695116635022.post-81615701043588535272012-12-04T00:17:00.000-08:002012-12-04T00:17:21.889-08:00Day 38: What part of housework doesn't he understand?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-yN-D8WjMOlE/UL2xfRznl1I/AAAAAAAAAMI/AwuYx8b0gHc/s1600/s-WOMEN-REDOING-CHORES-large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-yN-D8WjMOlE/UL2xfRznl1I/AAAAAAAAAMI/AwuYx8b0gHc/s1600/s-WOMEN-REDOING-CHORES-large.jpg" /></a></div>
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated with men and wish that they could just understand what needs to be done in terms of housework and do it without being asked<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that it is my responsibility to tell a man what he should do in terms of housework otherwise it won't get done<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish that men thought like women when it comes to household responsibilities<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish men thought<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge all men as having an inability to be practical in terms of housework<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself as a victim<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react by telling my agreement partner that I don't want to be his mother and treat him as a child<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react because I fear becoming my mother<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to nag at my agreement partner and not see realize or understand that is not practical nor an effective way to support him or myself in terms of self-responsibility and practical physical living<br />
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I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to become bossy and feel authorized to be bossy because I feel I do more in terms of housework<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define household responsibilities as work and not see realize or understand that moving in the physical is not difficult and actually very supportive in terms of remaining here present<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want things done in a specified way and feel frustrated when it is not done in the way I have defined as acceptable and the right way<br />
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thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to micro-manage or just simply take over the household task they are working on because I do not trust they will do it to my standard<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the way I do things as the right way and the way he does things the wrong way<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the household work done by my agreement partner as half-assed<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to copy this character mimicking my mother and her mother and thus not breaking the cycle of the stereotypical female role women have accepted for eons of time -- bickerer, egotism, victimization, inferiority, self-pity, judgement, anger, back-chat, frustration, blame, righteousness, gossip, manipulator, etc.<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I need to praise my agreement partner when he cleans the house and back-chat that no one ever gives a shit if I clean why do we always make such a big damn deal about him?<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to back-chat that if man would clean the house like he cleans his vehicle everything would be fine<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry that my agreement partner won't get up and clean as soon as he see's me cleaning<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my agreement partner of lacking common sense in terms of when things need to be cleaned <br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to redo "chores" that my agreement partner did because I was dissatisfied with the way it was done in the first place<br />
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to be continued....<br />
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<br />Writing... Journey To Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12321884388097664806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4743871695116635022.post-75914204093490503472012-12-02T22:17:00.003-08:002012-12-02T22:19:01.669-08:00Day 37: Damsel in Distress<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nRHL6umeIpM/ULxEDlBF-EI/AAAAAAAAAL0/-NQYfRRj1qI/s1600/24-damsel-in-distress-granger.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="256" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nRHL6umeIpM/ULxEDlBF-EI/AAAAAAAAAL0/-NQYfRRj1qI/s320/24-damsel-in-distress-granger.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and percieve that if I have a man in my life he must take care of me <br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I need a man to take care of me<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that without a man in my life I would be unable to remain stable<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want a man to do all the things I think a man should do according to sterotypes of a man yet at the same time be unwilling to trap myself in sterotypical feminine roles<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel safe when a man acts like a sterotypical male character<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist walking this point of male and female roles <br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself resist change because this would require for me to trust myself and take responsibility for myself and my world<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame men for the condition of this world<br />
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I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize or understand that I am equally responsible for the condition of this world and for the characters that we all currently participate within and as<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit self expression through accepted and allowing myself to try and trap others in character roles just so that I don't have to face myself <br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a damsel in distress character<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe what I saw in the media about how men and women should conduct themselves and to try and act out those roles so that I would be accepted in society and by a man<br />
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I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to question the absurdity of such roles<br />
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I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize or understand that I am equally responsible for the separation these roles cause<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want a man to save me <br />
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to be continued...Writing... Journey To Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12321884388097664806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4743871695116635022.post-35693078621869729872012-11-30T23:45:00.001-08:002012-12-02T22:02:47.963-08:00Day 36: Fear Possession<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5NiMnySxQj4/ULm1kS8EqWI/AAAAAAAAALg/pkUOLXA3WHs/s1600/vampire.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="230" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5NiMnySxQj4/ULm1kS8EqWI/AAAAAAAAALg/pkUOLXA3WHs/s320/vampire.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and control another person<br />
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I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to direct and control my actions, words and deeds<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine the worse case senario <br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to decide that it is a mans responsibiltiy to keep me out of harms way and forsee any possible problems before they develop<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get mad at the person in my world that is male because I blame him for not being manly enough to take care of me<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge another person as not manly because he didn't make sure there was plenty of gasoline in the car<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my own fear onto another in the form of anger and judgement<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my responsibility out there separate from me<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form ideas based on traditions, culture, and opinions onto this man<br />
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I forgive myself that I did not allow or accept myself to breath and bring myself back here and stabilize myself so that I could practically support myself to respond in a clear rational way<br />
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I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowedmyself to consider what another person is saying in terms of support while I am in an emotional possession and react by saying thats not true or listen and then give some justification why what they are saying is bullshit and why I am right<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to humble myself in moments when someone is offering practical support<br />
<br />Writing... Journey To Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12321884388097664806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4743871695116635022.post-31183090680851634432012-11-29T23:30:00.001-08:002012-11-30T23:40:43.031-08:00Day 35: Panic<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vMUUggIlQms/ULhgd-aYHaI/AAAAAAAAALM/xfgpreuq9rM/s1600/Dontpanic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="197" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vMUUggIlQms/ULhgd-aYHaI/AAAAAAAAALM/xfgpreuq9rM/s320/Dontpanic.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />
I forgive myself that I have acccepted and allowed myself to react in fear when I think I might run out of gas<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to raise my voice and become bossy when I go into a fear reaction<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to control others and my surroundings thus not seeing realizing or understanding that I want to control because I am out of control when I am possessed by fear<br />
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<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak in harsh manner to others when I go into fear<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being stuck in traffic miles long and run out of gas <br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I might get hit by someone driving by if I had to pull over<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to envision myself walking for miles until my shoes tore due to looking for a gas station and then having to walk back with only one gallon of gas and hoping that that one gallon would be enough to get back to a gas station<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame another that the car did not have gas<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make making sure that we have gas our responsibility not just the person driving <br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that men should always be the ones to keep a women safe from running out of gas when they are the one driving a car<br />
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I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider the situation we were in and what caused the confusion <br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react energetically to having to pick someone up from a place quickly without notice and panic and worry we would not get there on time and the person waiting would be in a terrible situation if we did not move fast<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into my mind rather than remain here considering all the points required to pick someone up eg. gas, directions etc.<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to panic <br />
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to be continued...<br />
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<br />Writing... Journey To Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12321884388097664806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4743871695116635022.post-84577596029644784372012-11-28T23:42:00.001-08:002012-11-28T23:44:07.154-08:00Day 34: Dogs and Cats<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hB9pPlci4uI/ULcR7-MCNPI/AAAAAAAAAK4/rlqNW9bjkak/s1600/cat_hugging_dog.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hB9pPlci4uI/ULcR7-MCNPI/AAAAAAAAAK4/rlqNW9bjkak/s320/cat_hugging_dog.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />
I have not talked much about the equal money system in this particular blog but I strongly support an equal money system for all, so that all here on earth can live a life of dignity.<br />
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Within an equal money system there will be so many changes and one of these changes will be how animals are supported and just one example is medicine for animals right now medicine is only made with one goal in mind and that goal is profit.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a world where animals are not supported as equals<br />
<br />
I forgive myself myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear with regards to being able to support dogs and cats effectively because specific research has not been done in terms of supporting animals physical bodies<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world where profit reigns above life<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a system of inequality to control all as slaves to a system of abuse and separation<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my animals becoming ill and not being able to support them effectively<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that a proper amount of research has not been done to support animals effectively<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be concerned that I may hurt them because I might give them something that harms them while trying to protect them<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed system of distrust and self-dishonesty to reign above life<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think at points in my life that animals are inferior to human beings<br />
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I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to properly forgive myself for this point<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that animals were inferior to humans<br />
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I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize or understand that I am not here to teach animals anything or treat them as inferior but to learn from them<br />
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to be continued...<br />
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<br />Writing... Journey To Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12321884388097664806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4743871695116635022.post-40709206901144277082012-11-27T23:20:00.002-08:002012-11-27T23:22:11.929-08:00Day 33: Baby Steps<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-CQoYMoF7GWU/ULW7QcXnFqI/AAAAAAAAAKk/PXmR3m4P0l0/s1600/baby-steps.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="96" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-CQoYMoF7GWU/ULW7QcXnFqI/AAAAAAAAAKk/PXmR3m4P0l0/s400/baby-steps.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I don't know how to make effective self-corrective statements<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a mistake when writing out self-correction<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a mistake when walking self-corrective application <br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a decision to support myself<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist walking self-correction<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist what I perceive to be a challange<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that correcting myself is a challenge<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use fear to hide that I don't want to change<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like biting my nails because I know I use it as a way to suppress myself<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist facing self as this reality and this world <br />
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I commit to no longer accept or allow myself to resist writing out self-corrective statements<br />
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I commit to breath and be here aware of myself as breath<br />
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I commit to no longer give my power away to self-judgement<br />
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I commit myself to no longer accept or allow myself to give my power away to energy positive\negative manifestations<br />
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I commit to support myself if I make a mistake <br />
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I commit to support myself through writing and practicing self-correction, self-direction, self-movement, self-confidence and self-honesty here <br />
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I commit myself to face myself in moments that I would normally resist facing myself through nail biting, taking pills to relieve pain, eat, pop my fingers, pick at my face, rub my eyes, yawning, surf the web or make bogus excuses<br />
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I commit myself to investigate what I have accepted and allowed in self-dishonesty and separation and correct myself through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective statements and self-corrective action<br />
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I commit myself to practice supporting myself even if I experience resistance, I see, realize and understand that resistance is the way to self-realization and I will not allow myself to stop just because I have a thought, reaction, feeling or emotion<br />
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I see realize and understand that to participate in thoughts, feelings or emotions is give my power away and I will not allow or accept anything less than who I am here<br />
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I support myself to continue walking my journey to nothingness without hesitation<br />
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I commit to peeling the layers of onion that is me to reveal the core of myself to return to nothingness <br />
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I see realize and understand that accepting these actions is not self-support but self-suppression and I do not accept or allow this in myself or my world<br />
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til here no further <br />
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I allow myself to make mistakes<br />
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I embrace humility as myself here <br />
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I correct myself here <br />
<br />Writing... Journey To Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12321884388097664806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4743871695116635022.post-29198096685002442012-11-26T23:24:00.003-08:002012-11-26T23:24:30.474-08:00Day 32: Self-Responsibility<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SMslzpuNurY/ULRqbNPqOBI/AAAAAAAAAKQ/L3dIjLOAe_Q/s1600/responsibility-mortgage-lender_-800x800.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="191" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SMslzpuNurY/ULRqbNPqOBI/AAAAAAAAAKQ/L3dIjLOAe_Q/s320/responsibility-mortgage-lender_-800x800.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />
I did it again, I started to write and I just ended up deleting and writing and deleting.<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist writing<br />
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I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stop thinking while writing<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to post-pone self-correction<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I will fail myself if I write out self-corrective statements<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I will fail to follow through with my commitments in reality<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and give my power away to thoughts <br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist self-corrective statements<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist self-correction<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist change <br />
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I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself post-pone writing and distract myself by surfing the web<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel anxious when I think about writing self-corrective statements<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about writing self-corrective statements <br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the excuse that I fear writing self-corrective statements<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear self-sabotage<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself by fearing it<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I won't be specific enough<br />
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I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider that I must practice specificity until I can live it in fact equal and one as myself here<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changing me for real<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing the old me<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hold onto memories and characters that I have defined and limited myself by so that I don't have to be self-responsible for my actions or this world as me here<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define responsibility as negative, bad, wrong<br />
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I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have also defined responsibility as positive, good rightous<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to exist as and define self-responsibility within and as a polarity manifestation <br />
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I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allow myself to see realize and understand that I will not be able to live self-responsibility until I have redefined this word for myself equal and one<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word self-responsibility <br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that what I have done is unacceptable therefore I should be punished<br />
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I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that wanting to be punished is abdication of self-responsibility <br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this as an excuse to remain on the fence about who I will be and what I will and won't allow in myself and the world<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed that I have allowed myself to diminish to a selfish individual that only cares about myself<br />
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I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remain humble<br />
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I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself <br />
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To Be Continued...<br />
<br />Writing... Journey To Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12321884388097664806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4743871695116635022.post-30527975700080591572012-11-25T23:07:00.004-08:002012-11-26T22:18:12.363-08:00Day 31: Nail Biting<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wgBZI0qkGUA/ULMU_CWCR-I/AAAAAAAAAKA/MOY2uuF-TVM/s1600/NailBitingSelfDishonesty.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wgBZI0qkGUA/ULMU_CWCR-I/AAAAAAAAAKA/MOY2uuF-TVM/s1600/NailBitingSelfDishonesty.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
I bit my nails so much yesterday that they still hurt today and will probably hurt tomorrow it was mostly my left hand and especially my pointer finger.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bite my nails<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bite my nails to avoid what is here<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bite my nails to avoid self-intimacy<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for biting my nails<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself bite my nails until it hurts<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hurt my body<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bite my nails so short that it hurts so that I have another point to focus on as a distraction<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hurt my body and then talk about it as a way to make conversation and not support myself just whine about it<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bite my nails for attention<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a nail biter<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that I am addicted to biting my nails and am unable to stop<br />
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I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stop biting my nails because I like it <br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get energy from nail biting<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the energy of nail biting<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to impulsively bite my nails<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use nail biting to suppress irritation <br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use nail biting to suppress anger <br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use nail biting to suppress judgement<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use nail biting to suppress self-expression <br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use nail biting to suppress disgust <br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use nail biting to suppress feelings <br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use nail biting to suppress emotions <br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use nail biting to suppress thoughts <br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use nail biting to suppress self-blame <br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use nail biting to suppress blame <br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use nail biting to suppress speaking in a moment<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use nail biting to hide from myself and others<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from others by nail biting<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my human physical body by nail biting<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in energy while nail biting<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get my fix of energy through nail biting<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to alienate myself through and by nail biting<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress and isolate myself when nail biting<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think while nail biting and not present here equal and one within and as breath<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to obsessively bite my nails<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bite my nails and worry at the same time<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress anxiety while biting my nails<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress self-doubt while biting my nails<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bite my nails as an automated response rather than supporting myself to correct myself here in a moment<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bite my nails when I feel insecure<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to further suppress suppressions when biting my nails<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed of myself for nail biting<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like biting my nails because I think it feels good<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bite my nails when I go into a fear reaction of worry about survival<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bite my nails when I panic<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the consequences of nail biting<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bite my nails when I go into a fear reaction<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bite my nails when I fear what others might think about me<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am in control while nail biting<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am out of control while nail biting<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in polarity manifestations<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress guilt while nail biting<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress shame while nail biting<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress regret while nail biting<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bite my nails and judge my human physical body at the same time<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am fat, gross and disgusting while biting my nails<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bite my nails when I am faced with a decision <br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use nail biting to escape into my mind<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use nail biting as a back-door<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use nail biting to suppress nervousness<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bite my nails when I feel insecure<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away while nail biting<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress sadness while nail biting<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate self-responsibility while nail biting<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bite my nails when I think about eating <br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chew/eat at myself<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that something is eating at me and that something is me not directing myself to face myself in every moment<br />
<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unaware of my human physical body while nail biting<br />
<br />
To Be Continued... Writing... Journey To Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12321884388097664806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4743871695116635022.post-2981643905758191092012-11-24T23:12:00.003-08:002012-11-24T23:12:26.358-08:00Day 30: Peeing<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QZGDz6CXL8E/ULHExEu5EVI/AAAAAAAAAJY/HgMBtx9k8Qw/s1600/to-pee-or-not-to-pee+blackyellow.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QZGDz6CXL8E/ULHExEu5EVI/AAAAAAAAAJY/HgMBtx9k8Qw/s1600/to-pee-or-not-to-pee+blackyellow.jpg" /></a></div>
<br /><br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put off using the restroom by holding it for hours because I think that its too much of a hassel to get up and go to the restroom<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest pain my lower stomach from holding my pee <br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist drinking an efficient amount of water to remain hydrated because I don't like using the restroom because I've accepted and allowed myself to become lazy<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I don't like using the restroom<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become lazy which indicates I'm in my mind not here present within and as my human physical body able to simply do what's necessary to be done in a single moment to support myself<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold my pee in because I thought I would miss out on sleep<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into thoughts and disregard my human physical body<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give a greater value to sleep than peeing and choose sleep over peeing which indicates I was not actually resting but in my mind thinking<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to support my human physical body and decide that I have a choice whether or not I will or won't support my body <br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the natural functions of my human physical body<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize or understand that my body is supporting me by expelling waste <br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold in waste that does not serve my body because I listened to thoughts and gave them authority and abused my body because of it<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse my human physical body<br />
<br />
To be continued...Writing... Journey To Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12321884388097664806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4743871695116635022.post-29264246959091015252012-11-23T22:52:00.001-08:002012-11-24T21:55:27.952-08:00Day 29: Shell of me<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-K4oRH1a6dJU/ULButRB0oHI/AAAAAAAAAJI/yLgnKW0s970/s1600/shell-contours.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-K4oRH1a6dJU/ULButRB0oHI/AAAAAAAAAJI/yLgnKW0s970/s320/shell-contours.jpg" width="288" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my human physical body<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my human physical body<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my human physical body<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse my human physical body through the use of drugs<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use drug continuously throughout my life as a way to cope and escape<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my human physical body by abusing myself with drugs<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try as many different drugs as I could for the thrill<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get a thrill from abusing my body with drugs<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be completely disconnected from myself here within and as my human physical body<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get a rush from abusing my human physical body with drugs<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience extreme excitement right before drugs kicked in and enjoy the anticipation of the high<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my thoughts and experiences were real and think that my human physical body was just a shell that I would one day disregard<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to conclude that caring for my human physical body was insignificant and meaningless<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my human physical and that I did not realize it is me I am here within and as my human physical body<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bit my nails<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pop my knuckles<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be rough with my human physical body<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be gentle with myself <br />
<br />
To be continued.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Writing... Journey To Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12321884388097664806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4743871695116635022.post-63034524255447056032012-11-22T22:38:00.000-08:002012-11-23T21:37:02.634-08:00Day 28: Chill Pill<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OBzmmbRGLPM/UK8ZaW5wAuI/AAAAAAAAAIw/umxZ5TxhI4Y/s1600/chill-pill-with-text-thumb9712003.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div>
<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-oV1JCLxpgXQ/UK8ZyUnpGMI/AAAAAAAAAI4/SWR2bStAO1U/s1600/Classical+Chill+Pill.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-oV1JCLxpgXQ/UK8ZyUnpGMI/AAAAAAAAAI4/SWR2bStAO1U/s320/Classical+Chill+Pill.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
I was sick last night and unable to write in my blog. My stomach hurt so bad, it was a rolling pain moving throughout my stomach. What caused this is that I took more vitamins yesterday, but not as many as the day before and not on an empty stomach so I thought I would be fine. I hadn't researched the possible side effects of taking these pills or how they react one another.<br />
<br />
My agreement partner looked up what the side effects where while I was balled up in bed with abdominal pain. What he found is that some of the pills I took can cause extreme abdominal pain, cramps, vomiting, dizziness, fatigue, diarrhea, constipation etc. The other pill I took also causes dizziness and fatigue. And pills mixed together in general are not recommended. I felt like I was in a fog all day yesterday my stomach hurt and I was pretty much out of it, most of my sinus infection is gone now but I still have pain my abdomen which I personally manifested by trying to get a quick fix.<br />
<br />
I realize many points I hadn't allowed myself to fully consider before and the main point is that I have not respected my body in anyway whatsoever. I have been extremely abusive toward my body for years in one way or another, and it is habitual. <br />
<br />
I failed to consider the consequences for the things I put in my body such as food, pills, drinks, drugs, men etc. I just flat out didn't care. I thought I stopped this form of self-abuse but I realize that I have just become more cunning in my approach. <br />
<br />
I have to say that I did not expect to be revisited by this point again or in this way.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harm my body<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse my human physical body<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear physical pain so much that I choose to drown myself in pills to prevent it<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being sick for a long period of time<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress that I abuse my body daily<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard my human physical body because I hate myself<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to forgive myself fully for taking drugs for years<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse my human physical body with the types of food I put into my body and the amount I consume<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard my human physical body and only listen to my mind<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to listen to my body<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore my human physical body<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my human physical body for granted<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself for how I have treated my human physical body<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge how other people treat their human physical body as a projection of how I see myself which is abusive, disrespectful and neglectful<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear writing about this topic<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed of myself for what I have done and what I'm doing to my body<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the importance of supporting my human physical body<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hurt my human physical body because it keeps me distracted from what is here<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hurt my human physical body<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself so that I can put off facing myself and the consequences I have created for myself<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I can <br />
avoid my accepted and allowed self-abuse<br />
<br />
To be continued...Writing... Journey To Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12321884388097664806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4743871695116635022.post-43882921487521758712012-11-20T22:58:00.000-08:002012-11-20T22:58:19.010-08:00Day 27: Still Sick<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KOtfRq_9cVg/UKx7ds1NmeI/AAAAAAAAAIY/Fjg-i4H_38k/s1600/sick-scrabble.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KOtfRq_9cVg/UKx7ds1NmeI/AAAAAAAAAIY/Fjg-i4H_38k/s320/sick-scrabble.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
I don't feel well today I still have a sinus infection and I tried all kinds of herbs and vitamins to feel better. I took ecinacea, oregano oil, garlic, h2o2, ibprofen, a multi-vitamin and some kind of immune booster and I took some pills more than once and more than on pill, I also tried a nedipot and nothing helped I still feel like shit but worse now because I have developed a massive stomach ache, I think I may have taken way too many pills on an empty stomach.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting an extreme sinus infection because of a memory of being sick recently where I felt so sick that I could hardly move<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear becoming so sick that I might have to go to the doctor<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how much going to a doctor may cost<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unsure of how come I developed this sinus infection and just panic and look for ways to get over it rather then breathing and fully allowing myself to feel the pain that I have created <br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be self-intimate with me here <br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to put off writing in my blog for today and use the excuse that I'm too sick to write<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about it more than once using being sick as an excuse to put writing off<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed back-chat to justify why I can not write<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress self-expression<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to slow down and be here equal and one with and as breath and listen to my body<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear physical pain and make the pain worse by trying to avoid it at all costs<br />
<br />
damn it, I just rubbed both eyes again<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for rubbing both of my eyes<br />
<br />
oh shit I just did it again what the heck<br />
Breathe in 1234, hold 1234, Breathe out 1234...<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to write out self-corrective statements as a means to support myself when the moment comes where I'm tested in real "real time"whether I will stand equal and one to and as the words I speak<br />
<br />
I now see realize and understand that self-corrective statements are a requirement for me to follow through with my self-forgiveness and it is a chance to practice self-honesty in a moment<br />
<br />
I see realize and understand that for me to correct myself I require to support myself through writing out self-corrective statements<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I will not be able to correctly write out self-corrective statements<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to thoughts and give my power away to thoughts<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remain here to support myself to be present thus able to see directly within a single moment and direct myself accordingly and walk my self-corrective statements and support myself with self-corrective statements as a map to follow when and if the moment arises that I must walk through my self-created points of self-dishonesties, separation and abuse<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I don't know how to write out self-corrective statements and create a block for myself when writing out self-corrective statements<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from self-correction<br />
<br />
I commit to practicing remaining here and flag pointing when I allow myself to go into my mind eg. Rubbing both eyes at the same time or feeling energy movements in my solar plexus or in my throat and neck areas. And breath speak self-forgiveness in the moment and delete the thought and also write down the primary point that I allowed to move me and direct me to further investigate here within this blog<br />
<br />
<br />Writing... Journey To Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12321884388097664806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4743871695116635022.post-72771077483524994602012-11-19T22:15:00.001-08:002012-11-19T22:15:09.561-08:00Day 27: Life is NOT a dream<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-REFLnRPSOSU/UKsf1qf9zTI/AAAAAAAAAII/43-A8vnaMBY/s1600/Dream___Mirror_of_Reality_by_kimag3500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-REFLnRPSOSU/UKsf1qf9zTI/AAAAAAAAAII/43-A8vnaMBY/s320/Dream___Mirror_of_Reality_by_kimag3500.jpg" width="218" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remain present here equal and one within and as my human physical body while resting<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my mind take over while sleeping and cause physical discomfort within my body because I was not here in my body but in my mind unaware of the physical <br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think while I'm asleep <br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and think about what my dream could have meant rather then looking directly and working with what is here in the moment<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shut-down just now and rub my eyes to not see what is here<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pre-program myself to automatically and systematically react to supporting myself<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make excuses and back-chat that I can't do it and think of self-limiting words in my mind so that I will give in and give up on myself while at the same time rubbing my eyes and not aware that I'm participating in this physical shutting down until I've been rubbing my eyes for a few seconds<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remain here fully present in every moment<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist writing self forgiveness on remaining here because I think I can't actually do it<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I still have way to much shit within myself that I need to forgive myself for<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am stuck in the middle of not being able to remain here because I have not been supporting myself and also not being able to support myself without remaining here<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that self-support through writing and being here are not separate<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from self/one here<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought come up that I don't know where I'm going with my writing and I should stop or think of something specific and meaningful to write<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to write with an idea that I will continue writing about a point the next day and then all day today worry that I won't know how to approach my next blog<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself by looking for answers from knowledge and information and try to take those memories and apply them to a new moment all the while recreating the past never here present directing myself in the moment<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remain here thus I forgive myself to in those moments when I see that I am looking for knowledge information and memories to forgive myself and delete the thoughts, memories, pictures etc. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Writing... Journey To Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12321884388097664806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4743871695116635022.post-34981585430481138192012-11-18T23:30:00.005-08:002012-11-18T23:31:09.720-08:00Day 26: Leaky Nose<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ppsJywIDRzU/UKnf7tAbKaI/AAAAAAAAAH4/xqtaMC16JDg/s1600/DrippingNose.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ppsJywIDRzU/UKnf7tAbKaI/AAAAAAAAAH4/xqtaMC16JDg/s320/DrippingNose.jpg" width="197" /></a> </div>
<br />
I woke up sick this morning, my face has been hurting all day I have a massive headache, and I keep sneezing at first I was just stuffed up and then my left nostril started to drip like a leaky faucet and it still is its strange because its only the left side. I will look on the Desteni forum to see what this might indicate. I'm still feeling tired and congested I just don't know what brought this on. The first thing I recall after the feeling like my face was bruised when I first woke up was I remembered a dream I had and it was about a man with a magic carpet and he was going to take 3 people and I on a flight he was a white man with a beard and the other 2-3 people I don't remember them and the white man took up most of the room he was wearing shorts and we all tried to fit on this small carpet and it was too small so I was trying to position myself so I wouldn't fall off but the man told me that this is not the way to do it there is a way it is done but it's not conventional or something like that anyway we went along for the ride and we got to our location and it was this hotel/saloon type of place and when we arrived I noticed people where there from the old state I used to live in and I noticed some that I had seen before but wasn't friends with them they may be have been people I went to high school with or lived near or maybe even worked with but I just knew them in passing not directly and I remember not wanting to look at them because if they saw me they might want to talk about old times and I felt like I looked shitty because I had just woken up and I hadn't showered nor got ready and I recall thinking to myself in my dream that I looked really shitty and wondered why I decided to wear such odd clothing and then I saw my cousin and I feared seeing him too but my hair was long so I hoped he would not recognize me. The other people went to have a seat and order food to eat and I went to the ladies room so that I could fix myself up a bit because I didn't want all the people from my past to see me in such a disheveled state so anyway in the bathroom there were these small oval mirrors hung up on the wall maybe 5-7 or so and there were other women there too they were all taking up all the mirrors and I was in a hurry and wanted to look at myself and when one finally opened up there was this girl there with her friend and here friend said oh she has to look in the mirror she has acne and one of her pimples is ready to pop in a few hours and I just giggled like okay? But at the same time I could sympathize with her because I picked my face too although, I was more concerned with being able to look at myself in the mirror. I think I glanced at myself momentarily and then let her use the mirror since she seemed to need it more than I did. Then I got back to the table and my roommates where there and I took so long they had all finished eating and my food was sitting on the table cold. I was a bit worried they would be upset that I took so long and at the same time I didn't want anyone from my past to see me so I was a little less concerned about them being upset with me for taking so long but the cold food sitting alone on the table was quite noticeable so no one really had to point everything out it was quite obvious and no one said anything. So I was just about to eat and I heard someone say my name and I was like shit shit shit in my mind thinking fuck this sucks now I have no other choice than to speak to them but I just ignored their calls and the dogs came into my room and woke me up and then I noticed my head pounding my my face hurting and feeling extremely stuffed up and congested.<br />
<br />
The end I will see what points to write self-forgiveness on in my next blog.<br />
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<br />Writing... Journey To Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12321884388097664806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4743871695116635022.post-80042824213166414082012-11-17T18:39:00.004-08:002012-11-17T18:40:10.796-08:00Day 25: Rushing<div style="text-align: center;">
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Still pushing through resistances with regards to writing I have been online for 45 minutes and the initial reason for getting online was to write in my blog, instead I surfed the web.<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist writing<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to again go into my mind and think about what I should write<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I have nothing to write and also think that writing self-corrective statements is too hard right now<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I don't know what I'm doing and that I will make a major mistake and make my process longer than it has to be<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and tacitly believe that doing nothing to support myself it better than writing anything<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I won't be clear and specific within writing self-corrective statements<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project that I will fail<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project myself inevitably failing what I commit to do <br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing myself and somehow betraying myself<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear writing out self-corrective statements<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed fear of failing myself when the moment comes to correct myself and that it will cause me to fall even harder<br />
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I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have not yet stood up in terms of self-correction therefore there is no way I can fall<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself fear standing up within and as myself<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get to the end already and start writing out self-corrective statements<br />
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I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that there is no rush nor pressure<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put unnecessary pressure on myself and exist within my mind thinking about the end rather than remaining here present in this moment supporting myself within my process<br />
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to rush to the end so that I can get my process over with rather than realizing seeing and understanding that rushing is of the mind and through slowing down I see I support myself most effectively and direct myself to simply put my fingers on the keyboard and write myself to freedom<br />
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I now see realize and understand that many points within me still require self-honest self-investigation, and I require to unfold these points prior to writing out specific clear self-corrective statements because I will again fail myselfWriting... Journey To Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12321884388097664806noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4743871695116635022.post-28757812566619539742012-11-16T22:30:00.000-08:002012-11-16T22:32:49.845-08:00Day 24: Preparation<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Okay, today went well, it wasn't such a "Big Day" after all, nonetheless it was productive. I didn't ask the big question to those people in authoritative positions you know, the ones I spoke of in my last blog. After talking with an expert on the subject at hand, he gave me some good advice, he shared with me that I need to prepare, and after listening to some audios from a man that shared common sense, I now see, realize and understand the importance of preparation.<br />
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To allow myself to experience stress is unacceptable because it is a future projection and in this instance its all based on memories where I was rejected at some time or another in the past and taking it from the past and having it go into the future. Therefore all of it is imagined and not actually real here physical and simply put, a mind fuck .<br />
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I realize that I must remain humble with regards to anything that I participate within and as, yet I can still practice self-confidence by strengthening my abilities through writing, reading, listening, speaking, self-honesty, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application, training, practice and self-directed, self-action.<br />
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<br />Writing... Journey To Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12321884388097664806noreply@blogger.com0